Communication is EVERYTHING

My first engineering boss had a list of important attributes to follow on the chalk board in his office.  The number one thing on this list was “Communication is Everything.”  This is so true: in the work place, at home and everywhere else.

People have to know what you want or need.  No one is a mind reader.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked someone for something and they have brought me exactly what I asked for, but not the thing I wanted.  One time I asked for “Real Lemon” for something I was making, you know, the lemon juice in a bottle.  I was brought real lemons instead.  It was exactly what I asked for, but it was not what I wanted.  I did not clarify what I wanted.  People can only deliver correctly what you have requested.

We all know people and examples like the following:   There are some people that assume that the person who offended them knows what they did wrong.  I’ve heard so many people talk how their spouse or best friend is mad at them and they don’t know why.  When they ask, they just get a “You know what you did.” You really need to let someone know what they did if they ask.  They may not have a clue.  Not only can this clear the air and things can be made right, but this can also open up further dialog into the situation so it can be addressed accordingly.

There are so many misunderstandings life that could be straightened out if we only talked with one another.  I was recently coaching a client who needed to miss what he thought was an important meeting on a day he planned to take vacation.  He had put the day on his calendar months before, but the meeting was scheduled for that day anyway.  I told him to tell the person planning the meeting he had scheduled vacation.  My client came back happy that the meeting planner did not need him.  Problem avoided.

So many times, we assume we know what the other person is thinking.  In reality, that is kind of narcissistic that you are so smart, talented, and psychic that you know what the other person is thinking.  Do not flatter yourself that way. 

Communication is also about listening as much as it is talking.  We need to make sure we hear others correctly.  We may need to ask clarifying questions to fully understand what is needed or desired.  We should never just assume what others need, want, or thinking.  Ask good questions.

I have also had clients come to me and tell me how disappointed they have been because they got moved into a job they did not want.  Sometimes I find out that they did not tell their boss what they really wanted.  Sometimes, the boss thought that was what they wanted.  These people ended up miserable in jobs they hated.  I hear about similar disappointments in relationships all because someone did not ask or communicate what they needed or wanted.  Request what you really want or desire.

This all assumes some level of trust – something very important I will address another time.  However, in the future, be sure that you are communicating at the right level.  Things will get done more smoothly.  You will also get more things you really want and desire.