Communication is EVERYTHING

Scott — Fri, 17 Mar 2023 14:55:28 +0000

My first engineering boss had a list of important attributes to follow on the chalk board in his office. The number one thing on this list was “Communication is Everything.” This is so true: in the work place, at home and everywhere else.

People have to know what you want or need. No one is a mind reader. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked someone for something and they have brought me exactly what I asked for, but not the thing I wanted. One time I asked for “Real Lemon” for something I was making, you know, the lemon juice in a bottle. I was brought real lemons instead. It was exactly what I asked for, but it was not what I wanted. I did not clarify what I wanted. People can only deliver correctly what you have requested.

We all know people and examples like the following: There are some people that assume that the person who offended them knows what they did wrong. I’ve heard so many people talk how their spouse or best friend is mad at them and they don’t know why. When they ask, they just get a “You know what you did.” You really need to let someone know what they did if they ask. They may not have a clue. Not only can this clear the air and things can be made right, but this can also open up further dialog into the situation so it can be addressed accordingly.

There are so many misunderstandings life that could be straightened out if we only talked with one another. I was recently coaching a client who needed to miss what he thought was an important meeting on a day he planned to take vacation. He had put the day on his calendar months before, but the meeting was scheduled for that day anyway. I told him to tell the person planning the meeting he had scheduled vacation. My client came back happy that the meeting planner did not need him. Problem avoided.

So many times, we assume we know what the other person is thinking. In reality, that is kind of narcissistic that you are so smart, talented, and psychic that you know what the other person is thinking. Do not flatter yourself that way.

Communication is also about listening as much as it is talking. We need to make sure we hear others correctly. We may need to ask clarifying questions to fully understand what is needed or desired. We should never just assume what others need, want, or thinking. Ask good questions.

I have also had clients come to me and tell me how disappointed they have been because they got moved into a job they did not want. Sometimes I find out that they did not tell their boss what they really wanted. Sometimes, the boss thought that was what they wanted. These people ended up miserable in jobs they hated. I hear about similar disappointments in relationships all because someone did not ask or communicate what they needed or wanted. Request what you really want or desire.

This all assumes some level of trust – something very important I will address another time. However, in the future, be sure that you are communicating at the right level. Things will get done more smoothly. You will also get more things you really want and desire.

You face a challenge? What are you going to do now?

Scott — Sun, 29 Jan 2023 02:03:56 +0000

I recently attended the Student Bonfire at Texas A&M. This is an annual event where the students spend weeks cutting down trees, erecting a wedding cake structure with the logs, and lighting the bonfire in a final ceremony where the stack of logs are lit. The peak of the structure is about 40 feet. It was always held the night before the rivalry football game with the University of Texas until Texas A&M went to play in another football conference. The bon fire continued, but now it is scheduled for the night before the last football game instead. This year, it was delayed due to rain and took place in January.

The Student Bonfire (then Aggie Bonfire) on the Texas A&M campus was started in 1909 and was held on campus until 1999. The Aggie Bonfire event suffered a major tragedy in 1999, which ended the bonfire being on campus. Back then the bonfire was held on campus and the structure typically 60 feet or taller. One morning in November, while building the stack of logs, the stack collapse killing 12 students and injuring 27 more. There is a memorial on campus where the bonfire stack collapse took place. The university stopped the bonfire after the tragedy. The university considered having an annual bonfire on campus but stated it would be built by professionals. The students involved in bonfire balked at the idea since in the name of tradition, it was a “Student Bonfire.”

The speaker before lighting the bonfire this year told of the many challenges that Student Bonfire had had following the tragedy in 1999. He started when they were told that the Student Bonfire had to move off campus and people asked, “What are you going to do now?” Student Bonfire found a new place and Student Bonfire relied, “We’re going to build the hell out of bonfire.” Yes. At Texas A&M, they use “hell” quite a bit. The speaker mentioned when the University of Texas backed out of playing the annual rivalry game and people asked, “What are you going to do now?” Student Bonfire decided to burn it the night before the last football game and Student Bonfire relied, “We’re going to build the hell out of bonfire.” This year, Student Bonfire had to move to a new location very late in the year and people asked, “What are you going to do now?” Student Bonfire found a new place and Student Bonfire relied, “We’re going to build the hell out of bonfire.” The speaker went on to say that the students have been answering that question over and over again.

We all face setbacks in life. Every time we have a setback we are asked or internally ask ourselves “What are you going to do now?” In my own life, I have been faced with more setbacks than I care to mention, and I had to ask myself that question and I had to come up with an answer on how to best move forward. When I graduated high school with subpar grades because I slacked off, I started at a lower end university and transferred to a more reputable one. When I finally discovered I was dyslexic in college, I went on to graduate Cum Laude (with honors). When I discovered that being a professor was not the job I wanted, I found a great job in industry. I could go and on about the challenges I have faced in life, but every time, I’ve made the conscious effort to get back up and get going again. In full honesty, I would like to say that I just got up and started again. But in reality, I had to take time to mourn my loss or set back and set a new course. I think mourning is key in getting back up after a setback, but that is for another blog – even Student Bonfire took a few years off after the tragedy to recover before it was time to move on. Lastly, I knew a guy who had a disease that made him need to use the bathroom on a very frequent basis. Rather than get down on life, he got a job as a janitor cleaning toilets.

Next time you face a setback in life, ask yourself the question “What are you going to do now?” Then make a plan on how to answer that question and follow through.

The video of the opening ceremonies at Texas A&M Student Bonfire 2022 with the full speech can be found here: https://texags.com/s/48700/video-replay-student-bonfire-2022/5/1

In Pursuit of the Goal

Communication is EVERYTHING

You face a challenge? What are you going to do now?